


A quiet victory

by lilworros



Series: Rapid Decisive Operations [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, M/M, Masturbation, Multi, semi character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-25
Updated: 2014-06-25
Packaged: 2018-02-06 03:16:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1842313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilworros/pseuds/lilworros
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Armin feels the drip, drip of the water as it hits the top of his head. He feels like those cliffs that he read in his grandfather’s books. He can feel the water eroding the numbness that had built around him from this hellish day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A quiet victory

**Author's Note:**

> After Declaration of War and set after the battle at District Trost so early spoilers. Angsty Armin.

Armin feels the drip, drip of the water as it hits the top of his head. He feels like those cliffs that he read in his grandfather’s books. He can feel the water eroding the numbness that had built around him from this hellish day.

If the water was hot, Armin couldn’t remember it. His body had been cold to the touch ever since Misaka and him were forcibly separated from Eren. 

 Armin knows in the back of his mind that he’s coming out of shock or maybe falling back into it. It’s hard to keep up with all the pitfalls that the day has brought him.

A glorious morning fill hope and opportunity; a disastrous afternoon where he lost…

Armin can feel the tears teasing the back of his eyes as he feels himself falling back into the moment where Eren pushes him out-of-the-way.

That moment where Armin, had thought to himself that maybe they can make it out of this hellish day, only to lose it.

To lose Eren because he was too weak, to have to face Misaka after that awful moment. Having to carry the only piece of Eren left so they could mourned over it together.

To try to push himself for Eren sake, when all he wanted to do was to give up. To fall into that Titan’s mouth with Eren so they could at least be together in the end.

But no, Armin was too much of a coward to even do that.

Even with Misaka staring him down as he tried to tell her. He could feel the disappointment that he knows she felt not being there with him. If it was Misaka with Eren in that moment, Armin knows she would’ve ended it with Eren.

'No,' Armin slowly shakes his head, feeling the water droplets spray against the wall and his face. He doesn't even flinch, he's that numb.

'She would have saved him.', with that last thought Armin feels the tears that had gathered start to fall down his face. Maybe he should tell Misaka that she deserves Eren.

Not Armin who got him killed.  

Armin feels himself falling down in the cold shower. He feels himself curling into a ball so that the water falls on his head and mingling with his tears. All of his actions so mechanical, just so he can pretend that’s he not crying. That this isn’t his small body that he was foolish enough to believe could protect anybody, even himself. 

Armin stays curled into to his ball. Feeling the soft paps of the water falling on his head. Instilling with each drop that it was his fault. Eren died because your too weak. Eren died because you thought you live outside the classroom. Because you thought you could keep up. 

'But, he's still alive,' a small voice in Armin's head pipes up. 'You can still see him and talk to him and touch him. He saved your life more than once today.  **You**  save his life more than once today.’ 

Armin has no choice to agree with the logic and the weight of Eren’s death lessens on his chest. Logic was the last thing Armin had left in the world and if he choice to ignore it now, what else could he relay on?

‘Eren is alive’, Armin repeats to himself as he holds himself together once more. ‘He’s alive.’ And Armin has no choice but to push himself out of the ball that he put himself in. 

Armin keeps repeating that Eren is alive as he turns the hot water. It’s enough for him that Eren is out there waiting for Armin and Misaka. That Eren would still need Misaka and Armin to take care of him, to help him be his best friend. 

To be the only people who might still trust him, especially with his new titan turning abilities. 

This thought is enough to push Armin back out of the awfulness this never-ending hellish day. 

Armin has a brief flash of Eren as the titan. Of how terrified he felt when he saw him for the first time and then the fierce gladness when he realized the titan was on their side. 

And now that he’s in the shower, he can’t help but pause on the memory of a giant, naked Eren coming to his rescue. 

Armin can feel the blood rush across his face. He can feel heat in his face is because it’s even hotter than the water and how his hands had stopped from washing him to linger closer to things that he hasn’t paid any attention to when they started sleeping in the same barracks. Especially when most nights Eren would crawl in Armin’s bed to whisper either his fears or his excited for the day.

Armin can feel his body remembering those frustration night were he was so closed to Eren but unable to push him away or go ahead with his desires.

“UHHHGGg" Armin groans out loud as he headbutts the wall in front of him. ‘Dumb teenage hormones, that stupidly hot body died today because of you!’, Armin tries to drill that in to his hormone riddled head, but with the relief that Eren is alive, he’s live and Misaka alive, Armin can’t.

Armin can’t taper the joy and the stupid hormones that come with it. So the hands that were lingering along his torso, feeling the bruises and roof rashes, finally coast over his hip bones and finally slide to the top of his pubic hair. He lightly tugs on the coarse hair as his mind drifts back to the moment where titan Eren had scoop him just and he can feel Eren’s heart beat. He can feel that Eren is alive and well, moving and  fighting, killing titans just like he always said he would.

And Armin will only admit this to his self like this in this moment, he finds titan Eren fucking hot, especially when Eren is being the big hero that he claimed he would always be.

It’s that heat that Armin remembers that has him thrusting shallowly in his hand. It’s being that close and pressed against Eren that makes Armin groan low in this throat building himself up until he’s at a nice pace. The water is still warm enough that he can pretend that he’s still cradle against Eren’s chest. His face squashed against Eren’s nipple and then suddenly all he wants is his a regular size Eren back. 

He wants to take that tan nipple into his mouth and see what kind of noises he can make Eren make. He can imagine how vocial Eren would be and Armin is kind of glad that he never try anything with Eren in the barracks because the Walls know Eren can’t be quiet for shit.

It’s finally the idea of Eren panting, moaning, probably screaming in Armin’s ears that pushes him over the edge. He rides the high of coming and makes sure to clean himself off properly before he turns off the knobs for the shower.

Armin finally steps out of the shower stall that he found himself in and retrieves his towel. Armin doesn’t want to think about the depressing walk back to the barrack. The barrack is more than half empty now and Armin can’t help but think of those lives that were lost today.

He thinks about the faces that he would be missing when he heads back to barracks as he dries himself off and gets into his night-clothes, especially due to a half hatched plan that he came up with. He still can’t shake the surreal feeling that he made a plan that help the humans secure their first victory. He feels guilty that for the lives that were lost in making his plan come through so he resolves to creep silently back to his bunk so he doesn’ t have to face those faces that he’s sure look like his at the start of his shower


End file.
